Thursday, April 23, 2009

you are on our side...

Here is a link to a dance that the officers of Chara danced last year and have incorporated into this year's repertoire. It's to Bethany Dillon's "On Our Side." Each time I see them dance it brings tears to my eyes. This is the chorus:

"You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side"


or listen to the entire song here: http://www.myspace.com/bethanydillonmusic

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

another random song too good to not be shared...

I wish I could choreograph a dance to this... I don't know if that will ever happen... Or if any of you will ever see it... But I think this is the story of my life... It's called "You Led Me" by BarlowGirl.

Good morning
The night is over and gone
I thought once
This dark would last for so long

Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

Do you see
Just what you've done in my life?
You gave me
More then I hoped for; now I


Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be absolutely free..." John 8:36

Thursday, April 16, 2009

playing Cinderella...


This was a little something that a friend of mine asked me to write for a newsletter she writes. This song is one of my favorites and I just wrote a few thoughts alongside the lyrics.

In order to view the image closer, just double click it and it should open in another window.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

what makes your heart cry?


This week has been really hard. It started with taking a test early on Sunday afternoon. Today I had a geography test, a statistics test, an outdoor dance performance in the main plaza of campus, a biology test, a meeting with a physical therapy graduate school advisor, after-school elementary school tutoring, and dance rehearsal/Bible study. I am wiped out!!! Thankfully tomorrow is Thursday and I only have one class in the late afternoon. Then on to the weekend! No class Friday, free all day Saturday and Sunday, and then Monday starts the rat race again... 


So, the reason for this blog post started with Breakaway on Tuesday. I think I may have mentioned Breakaway before, but in case I haven't, Breakaway is a weekly worship night and message that is held in the basketball arena and usually attracts 3,000+ students. The last few weeks we have been talking about sex and dating and the godly way to interact with the opposite gender. This week the topic was on pornography and its affect on how we love one another.

Heavy stuff, but desperately needed. It's one of those topics--like rape, suicide, and a myriad of addictions--that is pushed under the rug and wished away. No one ever mentions pornography and yet it's killing off our generation and dehumanizing the rest...


So, I'm sitting there hearing this amazing talk and trying to hold it all in. You see, this is something that has affected many of my loved ones and I have heard stories of so many of my parents' friends whose marriages have fallen apart because of pornography.

And as I am sitting there it's as if a box of memories on the back shelf of the back room in the warehouse of my mind was dumped on the floor. Memories and conversations and counseling and prayers and emotions that I had locked up for several years. Stuff that I wish I hadn't had to encounter, but glad that I learned what I did about the girls I met and interacted with. My heart is breaking as I am sitting there in a group of both guy and girl friends who really don't even know me that well. 

You see... what do I say? How do I tell my friends that I am sitting there silently bawling not because I am under conviction myself, but because my heart is breaking for one of my friends in particular. How do I explain that I see her face like it was yesterday, I feel her whole body shaking with the uncontrollable sobs of a heart rended by God, and I feel the pain like it was my own? What do I say, how do I explain? You don't. Because you just can't. 

So I come back to my room and try to fall asleep but sleep decided to allude me...for 5 hours. I wake up, head to first class and start my horrifically busy day. And until about 2 hours ago, I have been trying to just survive the day and not think about it. Like I am trying to put all of those memories back in a box, back on the shelf, back in the dark room. 

Because two hours ago I started a skype conversation with a wonderfully amazing friend from Thailand. She and I met officially on a VBS-like trip to Singapore and Malayisa. We fought like sisters, hung out together most of the time, cried together, took tons of crazy pictures, and probably sampled every Starbucks in both Malayisa and Singapore! And reliving all of those memories and seeing where she was when I met her in Tauwau, Malaysia and where God has brought her to now, totally thrilled my heart. There's something about a friend that can put a band-aid on life and make it all better.

You see, I am one of those people who often finds herself in counseling situations or on the other end of a phone or IM conversation with a hurting girl. I love how God challenges me each time I meet another situation, another life, another broken vessel that God wants to put back together so He can shine out through the cracks in her life (2 Cor 4:6-7). But it's hard. It's not fun. But is it worth it? Yes. Totally. Over and over I would gladly sacrifice a few hours of sleep, a few moments in prayer, a few minutes to read a verse with her, or a few months of follow-up accountability. But yet I am often left with memories that will not go away. They get pushed to the side, filed away, but often will return. And it hurts sometimes.

Yet I know that those burdens I feel for my dear sisters in Christ are not carried by me alone. Jehovah-Rapha's (God who heals) heart is crying too. But I know that if in some small way He is able to use some aspect of my life to bring about some part of the work He wants to do in hers, it is all worth it. 

...and so my heart cries. But I am not so sure that it's an entirely bad thing. 

Monday, April 6, 2009

crash and burn...

Yeah, so... this song is a little emo. But it's something that has quickly climbed to the top of my iTunes library and has been much played on my music phone as I work out or walk between classes. It's called "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day (Chorus)
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
(Chorus)

This week has been really rough, especially this weekend. Between three dance rehearsals, two performances, 5 hours of CPR and First-Aid training, a dorm-wide formal, and studying for 3 tests on Wednesday, I have been running on little sleep, nervousness, and caffeine. I feel like I am about to crash and burn. I am so ready for the semester to be over. I am ready for the stress of being in Chara (my dance company) to be over. I am ready for these ridiculous classes to be over.

And then I remember those whose lives really are over. On Friday we danced for Relay for Life and the dances that the officers chose were so amazing! All about hope; a hope beyond hoping for a cure and hoping for a cancer-free world for our children. It was moving to dance under the stars and be there with those who are still grieving, questioning, and searching.

This evening I endeavored to get a ton of studying for biology done. I have a killer of a test on Wednesday that I am not ready for... I grabbed dinner around 8:30pm and by the time I got back and settled into studying again, my friend called and was in tears. A loved one had just passed away and she needed a hug and a friend. So, we sat and cried and drank tea for a while. There went studying... but that is OK. Isn't that why I am here, after all? Hopefully I was able to let her know that "If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn, you're not alone..."

After all, if you have to crash and burn, I'd rather you not do it alone... So give me a call and let me know how to pray or where to find you to give you a hug... sometimes we need to remember that He will never leave us alone!