Thursday, May 28, 2009

dancing solo



This week I'm at a large homeschool conference and yesterday evening I was sitting in the grass talking with a dear friend that I have not seen in quite a while. It's a rare friend indeed that you can talk with and feel like not a day has passed. We've kept up here and there through the marvels of Facebook and instant messaging, but that is simply not the same as seeing the unsaid things in her face and picking up on all of the non-verbal stuff! She truly warms my heart and makes me smile. :-)

This conference has been really rough because I have not felt like I belonged all week.  My family has gone to every conference since 2003, and so this makes number 21. I enjoy being out there with all of the little guys who participate in the program my family hosts, but it's a lot of work. Each year we get to work with some amazing staff, and at this conference two amazing young ladies who work in our office back in Texas came along. But it's hard when you come from college life and are suddenly and totally immersed in an atmosphere of large homeschooling families. I realize that my friends have not changed that much and I see how much a year away from home has grown and stretched me; and that's hard.

I start summer school in a week, and physics 1 and 2 will consume my life.  It's back to the grindstone of homework and tests and lab reports and late-night studying... but at least that schedule is familiar. School is consistent and I know exactly what is expected of me. See, my friends are posting pictures on Facebook of their study-abroad experiences, their family vacations to the Caribbean, and camp counsellor experiences, and I am home doing school so that I can take Anatomy & Physiology this fall and thus graduate on schedule. I ask myself where I fit--at home helping out with my family's ministry or back at college--and the answer is not easy because it's neither.

A few days before the group of us left to drive here to Nashville I went running on the golf course there at the ALERT campus. It's out in the back part of the campus and it's really quiet once all the golfers are done for the day. I took my music phone, turned the volume up till it drowned everything else out, and just ran the hills of the back 4 or 5 holes. And that's when I realized that it was OK to let down with God and tell Him just how much I already miss Chara. How much I miss dancing corporately and publicly for His glory . How much I miss those 12 other girls who were so likeminded. I would watch them even warm up or run through a dance in rehearsal and see their faces light up. At home very few, if anyone, understands what dance means to me. I'm realizing that I worship through dance. Yes, I worship through singing because I can't play more than the right hand of Yankee Doodle on the piano, but I have a hard time doing anything more than singing a bunch of nice words... Ballet was always something I did because I liked it and for once I felt like I wasn't completely gangly and clumsy. It was about performing for the audience's enjoyment. It was about finding my body's limits and making myself go farther, faster, higher, and "perfecter" until sometimes I ended up hurting yourself. It was all about me.

And then Chara changed everything. Not dancing for almost 4 years was extremely hard, but I think it really broke the cycle I had gotten myself into. I was so desperate to dance again, but scared that God would take it away again if I started making it all about me again, and I was unsure if I would even make it through auditions for Chara. Dancing with those girls and spending a year watching them make each rehearsal a personal time of worship, the end-of-the-semester all-worship nights where we worshiped God together through improv dance and singing really showed me that God gave me this gift for a purpose larger than I had even thought of!

I understand that some people are not comfortable with the idea of using dance as a worship tool, or with dance being a part of a church service. I understand and to some degree, I agree. However, most college students are interested in some form of dance, whether it's hip hop, swing, breakdancing, club, or a Texan favorite of two-step.  Dance is a huge medium at Texas A&M; each time we performed for a public event or the plaza of the student center hundreds or even thousands of students stopped by. The speakers playing those contemporary Christian songs were audible from a good distance away and attracted students to see what was up. And I know for a fact that God used Chara's dances to tug strongly on several students' hearts.

Anyway, so here I am running on the golf course back home and I almost burst into tears. Because I will not be going back to Chara next semester. And so it seems like that's over. But it feels like a carrot being dangled in front of me. See, when you've been on the mountaintop, anything less seems so low. When you've experienced such amazingness, everything else seems petty. How am I supposed to fill that hole of using dance to worship God with a random 1-credit hour beginning ballet PE class this coming fall? I can't. But I have to keep worshiping God through dance.

And that's when God was like, Well, what's preventing you from dancing solo? Uh, nothing I guess. Solo is different. Improv is different. Dancing wherever I can be alone is different. Gold course hole number 13 curves around in the forest by my house, and I may spend some time out there in nature worshipping... I guess God used Chara to teach me that I can worship through dance. And now He may be using this time without Chara to teach me that it's OK to go solo. Take that invisible spotlight and learn to dance for an audience of One. 

Saturday, May 9, 2009

"Call My Name" - Third Day

"For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." -Rom 10:13, NASB

Alyssa choreographed this piece for seven girls, then rechoreographed the last 30 seconds to add in the other six of us and make it the closing piece. I love how the girls started out in a tight circle holding hands, then spun out to start dancing. Before and after every rehearsal and performance we "circle up" to pray, so it seemed a great way to start the closing dance! The dresses were so fun to twirl in...
















It’s been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There’s a place where you belong
Here in My Arms

When you feel like you’re alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just c
all My name and I’ll be there

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I’ll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

When you feel like you’re alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just c
all My name I’ll be there
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name
The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just c
all My name



"All I Need Is You" - Hillsong

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything I need." -Psalm 23:1, NLT

Michelle's choreography for this piece was amazing; it was full of emotion and showcased each girls' specific style of worship. The whole song is about how much we need God and how He holds the world, and each one of us, in His hands


Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
You won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You
All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord 





Friday, May 8, 2009

"Mirror" - BarlowGirl

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." -1 Peter 3:3-4

I loved the message of this song... life is about turning away from the mirror that lies to us and looking to the One who made us and created us in His image. At the beginning of the school year Emily told us that God would use these songs to work in our lives and that as we heard the lyrics over and over again at rehearsal they would start to pop into our heads at random times... and she was right. I really enjoyed the visual aspect of this song as we danced with silver picture frames, fought with them, and finally threw them down in order to dance freely.


Mirror, Mirror on the wall, 
Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

You don't define me, you don't define me



"On Our Side" - Bethany Dillon

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a very good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through Him." -Rom 5:6-8, NIV

This dance is seriously the most powerful dance that I've ever seen... there's a video on an older blog post so you should check that out. :-) The sashes say "greedy," "lost," "empty," "broken," "captive," and "weak."


The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side







"The Light" - Brandon Heath

"Yes, I am going to send you to the Gentiles, to open their eyes so they may turn from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God. Then they will receive forgiveness for their sins and be given a place among God's people, who are set apart by faith in me." -Acts 26:17b-18, NLT

Every time I see this dance it makes me cry... the words remind me that there really is light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is the person of Jesus Christ. Emily's choreography beautifully represented the struggle that we feel as we strive to find the answers to our pain and the questions of life. It's OK to cry, OK to fight and strive for the light, and He is there at the end with His arms wide open to recieve us.











The hand that feeds the fire
The lips that taste the smoke
All together once again
The moon that hangs so pale
The dark that makes you choke
Comes to cover you again

Stay close you people with your broken hearts
I stand before you as a witness
Hold tight to the man that stands in front of you
As we move toward the light

The will that knows no end
The eyes that see your heart
Come to look on you once more
The word that shakes the ground
The voice that clams the sea
Stands knocking at your door

Stay close you people with your broken hearts
I stand before you as a witness
Hold tight to the man that stands in front of you
As we move toward the light 






"I Choose Now" - Anthony Evans

"I could have no greater joy than to heart that my children live in the truth." -3 John 1:4, NLT

I loved this dance! Lindsey first heard the song last summer when she was on staff at Pine Cove, a Christian family summer camp in East Texas. Anthony Evans came to do a concert one night and when she heard this song she reached over to the girl staffer next to her and said, "Wouldn't this be a fun song to dance to?" The girl was surprised and didn't know what to say, so Lindsey just got up and started dancing in the back of the room! :-)

I had a lot of issues remembering all of the turns in this dance--up until a few hours before our last Art of Worship performance I was trying to remember which steps came in what order. :-) But the song was so fun and drew the audience in to remember that one day we will all bow in worship, but we can choose right now to glorify Him! 


I don’t want tragedy to be the only
Thing that leads me to Your throne
With every moment of my life
With pain or joy I will cry
You are God alone
You’ve given me the choice to kneel or walk away
I’ve struggled with surrender long enough to say

I choose now 
To be humbled in Your presence
I choose now
To fall on my face
'Cause one day
Every knee will bow but Jesus
I choose now

I have the scars I can’t deny from
Thoughtless words and foolish times
But You still forgave
I wondered down a thousand roads
Lost my way but You led me home
Where I was safe
I know heaven is a gift of Your grace

But until I see Your face



I choose now
To be humbled in Your presence
I choose now
To fall on my face
Cause one day
Every knee will bow but Jesus 
I choose now

To glorify Your name
That’s why I was made
To worship and obey
I won’t wait

I choose now 
To be humbled in Your presence
I choose now
To fall on my face 
'Cause one day
Every knee will bow but Jesus
I choose now


"Dance" - 21:03

"The young women will dance for joy, and the men--old and young--will join in the celebration. I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing." -Jer 31:13, NLT 

This was a crazily fun dance to watch Meredith, Anne, and Michelle perform! Meredith worked out the choreography to accent every beat in the music and make it a really upbeat piece! I love how this dance emphasises the joy of the Christian walk!

I can't find the lyrics for this song ANYWHERE online, but if I do, I will post them here. But listen to the song (a.k.a. the link above!) instead. :-)







"Awesome God" - Kirk Franklin



"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable." 
-Isaiah 40:28, ESV

This was a really fun dance; completely out of my comfort zone when we started learning it, but fun nonetheless! The steps were a mix of jazz, hip hop, and salsa, and kept all of us on our toes and out of breath! Each time we performed this dance Lindsey told us to just "ham it up--get out there and have fun." It was a different style of dance than I had ever thought I would do before, but I ended up loving this dance! It was fun to see the audience's smiles and just
 proclaim how awesome our God is!!!


Our God
Is an awesome God he reigns 
From heaven above
With wisdom,power and love
Our God is an awesome God.

Our God
Is an awesome God he reigns
From heaven above
With wisdom,power and love
Our God is an awesome God

You're marevelous and you're glorious
You're love has made me victorious
You took away the fear in us
Now we praise You cause
You delivered us

There aint no stoppin us (naw)
Devil there aint no blockin us (naw)
Come on and clap your hands with us
Like this like that

He reigns
He reigns
He reigns
Forever and ever



"Stand in the Rain" - Superchic[k]

"Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the LORD grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him." -Proverbs 2:5-8, NLT

This full-company piece was the first dance we learned all year. We performed this dance at a talent show hosted by the Texas A&M Philippino Student Association, as a filler act in a huge sorority/fraternity show called "Songfest", and several times in the main plaza outside the student center here. This was one dance that we all knew really well and we could focus on the words instead of remembering all of the choreography. The dance starts out with all of us quickly walking in random patterns on stage, then different groups breaking into dance until at the chorus all of us dance together. At the end of the song, we go back to our personal walking pattern but then stop and look at each other. It's supposed to represent how we often go about life in our personal bubble of our problems and don't stop to consider that we are all going through hard things and we can stand in the rain better when we stand as a group instead of by ourselves...



She never slows down
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone it feels
Like it's all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found but
The only way out is through 
Everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
Stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

"Shadowfeet" - Brooke Fraser

"I have  told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" -John 16:33, NIV 

This was probably my favorite dance out of the seven that I learned. I heard this song last semester on a CD of possible Chara songs, and I really really wanted to dance to this one, so when Lindsey picked me, I was ecstatic! :-) I love how this song talks about stumbling as we wait for the day when we will be found in Him; when the world is crashing down, we won't be swept away!



Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet 
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began 

And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way 

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you 

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you 

When time and space are through
I'll be found in you 

"Hallowed" - Jennifer Knapp

"Pray then like this: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdome come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'" -Matt 6:9-13, ESV

These four girls were part of the second dance of Art of Worship, reminding us that our lives are to be a prayer to our Heavenly Father. He is hallowed, we are simply His beloved creation! Their poise and grace on pointe was beautiful, and Megan's choreography was a gorgeous adddition to such meaningful words!



Our Father,
Which art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come, 
Thy will be done,
Hallowed... Hallowed...

Done on the earth as it is in heaven,
Hallowed... be thy name,
Give us this our daily bread,
Hallowed... Hallowed...

And please forgive, 
All of our debts,
Hallowed... be thy name,
As we forgive our debtors,
Hallowed... Hallowed...

Lead us not into
Temptation's lair,
Deliver us from the evil snare,
For thine is the kingdom,
Power and glory,

Forever and ever, Amen...
Forever and ever, Amen...
Hallowed... Hallowed...





"Wherever We Go" - Newsboys



"I command you-- be strong and courageous!
Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9, NLT



This was the opening dance for Art of Worship. Something fun and uplifting that would set the tone for the night and draw the audience in to worship with us. Brittany, my Chara prayer partner for the semester, was one of three girls to choreograph this dance, and I got to help her out a little. :-)

This was a great song to start to, because many people have heard this song, but have probably never thought of dancing to it! The words talk about the witness and the effect we have on people simply because we're Christians. We can't explain why God gives us a joy that overflows and impacts those around us. And it's all for the glory of God!!!



Wherever we go,
The bluebirds sing
And the flowers bloom
And the grass gets green
It's a curious thing
But it's just our thing

Wherever we go, the bees behave
In the treetops, squirrels smile and wave
It's a curious thing
And it's humbling

Wherever we go, little glow-worms glow
Little roadrunners run ahead
Gonna tell their friends
Little mice, little men
Get 'em all excited
All invited

Hands up
Holler back there
Let's throw this party in gear
We brought the welcome mat
Whever we go, that's where the party's at

Hands up
Holler back now
We don't claim any know-how
We're giving God all that
Whever we go, that's where the party's at

Wherever we go, the dumb get wise
And the crime rates drop
And the markets rise
It's a curious thing
But it's just our thing

Bullies make nice, crooks repent
And the ozone layer shows improvement
It's a curious thing
And it's humbling

Wherever we're led
All the living dead
Wanna leave their zombie mob
It's a touching scene when they all come clean
God help us, we just love our job

Hands up

Holler back there
Let's throw this party in gear
We brought the welcome mat
Whever we go, that's where the party's at

Hands up
Holler back now
We don't claim any know-how
We're giving God all that
Whever we go, that's where the party's at


High, throw your hands up,
Throw your hands up high,
High, throw your hands up,
Throw your hands up high

This is a message we spread
Bringing life to the dead
This is the gospel expo
Follows wherever we go

Hands up

Holler back there
Let's throw this party in gear
We brought the welcome mat
Whever we go, that's where the party's at

Hands up
Holler back now
We don't claim any know-how
We're giving God all that
Whever we go, that's where the party's at