The first week of school I got a little stir crazy after doing so much over Christmas break and then facing so much free time! I went to Walmart, bought some paint and brushes, and started right in... :-) I had no idea what it would look like when it was done so I had fun seeing it take shape!

Here's the finished product (well, it was finished the second week of school but I didn't actually take pictures until today... )

(the whole thing)

(top right)

(bottom right)

(bottom left)

(top left)

God's Will

How do you know when you're following the will of God? One of the ways is when He confirmed things through "circumstances." Or more like incredible God-moments that just could not have been planned any better.

These last two weeks have been full of such God-moments; let me share a few with you...

Last Tuesday, I was standing in the hall outside my Anatomy & Physiology classroom waiting for class and randomly looking at the bulletin board on the wall. On the section advertising summer internships for students in the biology field there was a brochure for Mercy Ships!

Three weeks ago, the first day of Anatomy & Physiology lab, my TA asked each of us to introduce ourselves, share our career goals and say what we were doing for the summer. I said I was going to West Africa to work on a hospital ship this summer and my TA asked if it was with Mercy Ships! She has never been to the Africa Mercy but has supported several crew members over the years.

When I mentioned that I wanted to be a physical therapist at a missionary hospital in Nigeria, the guy sitting next to me (who is now one of my lab partners) asked if it was the Evangel hospital in Jos on the SIM missions compound! His family served with SIM for several years in Nigeria and he grew up there!

This past weekend at the Renewal conference for the South Central regional Navigators I was talking with one of the staff guys that serves here at A&M. We were again talking about summer plans and I was attempting to convince him that I could not do a Navigator-sponsored summer program; I already had firm plans. :-) I said I was working with Mercy Ships and he asked if I knew a girl named Allison Green who is working in the OR on board! One of my friends back home told me about her last year and I've Facebooked with Allison a little since then. Small world!

And then I've started to find checks in my mailbox... God is confirming, God is providing, God is leading... to Togo!

Wait for Me - Rebecca St. James

This post is nothing much different from last year's regulatory Valentine's Day post. But hey, it's OK. One day I'm sure I'll be posting pictures of the perfect date, the perfect guy, the perfect flowers, the perfect sappy over-priced Hallmark card... and it will be perfect because God picked him... and so for now, I wait.


This song by Rebecca St. James has been a really good reminder. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I have!


Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me


CHORUS:
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait


Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
" Til death do us part"
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you


CHORUS


Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me

CHORUS 

4 months

Today I finished a journal and realized that I started it exactly 4 months ago today. I've NEVER journaled that much and I've never come across so many quotes, lyrics, emails, and IM conversations that just had to be tucked away in that little notebook. I've never had so much going on that I feel like my head will explode if I don't find some way for it to all make sense. I've never felt so deeply that I knew my heart would burst unless I could find words to get it out of my heart and into written words. A cup of coffee, a plethora of pillows, my favorite pen, comfy pajamas, and page after page of emptiness waiting to be filled... a perfect combination!

As I was glancing through old entries I came across a few common themes: faith in God, lack of sleep, trust in my parents, crazy late night studying, love at not-quite-first sight, extreme confusion, amazing friends, struggles with the past, needy friends, anger at God that again turns into disappointment with myself, excitement about the future, and the incredible security of knowing I am loved and cared for.

I've realized that the times when I am the most confused and least talkative are the times when I need to journal. When I need to find words to explain what I'm going through and the emotions swirling within. And it almost drives to to a panic; I have to explain, I have to find words, I have to make someone understand that it's not all in my head. I have to convince my heart that this is not a novel feeling and though Webster's 1828 may not be able to find the word it does exist--and I have to find it. Which sometimes takes 13 pages to do!

There's been a few prayers turned self-lectures. A few "God, I want You to..." turned "help me to..." A few "I feel so therefore it's true..." turned "God/the Bible/my parents say so therefore I must..." The end of the entry sometimes turns out to be 180 degrees from the beginning!

I have seen God's incredible patience as He leads me to find the answer and how He gently waits for me to return and sit in His lap again and learn from Him. He lets me run from Him and then finds me and picks me up and returns me home... how He pulls out incredible emotional band-aids, opens up His nail-scarred hands and says, "Let Me take that burden for You. Rest here and let me hold your heart."

Ah, journaling is wonderful but how I fit it into my schedule, I have no idea...

"Heal the Wound" - Point of Grace

This song has come to mean a lot to me recently... long story. When I came across this picture tonight I just had to do something with it and post it here. :-)

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Learning to drink tea...

1:39am -- collapse into bed after studying until 1am, calculating how much sleep I'll get before the alarm rings
9:45am -- wake up to the annoying alarm clock, I think it's coffee time
10:06am -- scarf down a bowl of cereal, try to find a leotard that's clean
10:08am -- rush out the door to my dance class, gonna be late again
10:55am -- halfway through class my brain seems to shut down, start messing up dance combinations
11:15am -- head to the campus post office, get the first support check for my trip to Africa!
11:45am -- shower and find something cute to wear, realize I have to dress up since I won't have a chance to change before the show tonight
12:13pm -- head to the Underground food court for lunch, eat pasta by myself at a table for four
1:30pm -- walk to the library for my writing-intensive class, sit in the hall and study before class
1:50pm -- learn how to find research articles online, gonna be so much easier than previous research papers
2:55pm -- rush over to anatomy&physiology lab, studying for the weekly quiz on the way over
3:10pm -- studying brain waves and EEG traces, I'm appointed the group leader
4:50pm -- lab done early, call Sarah to see if she wants to eat with me
4:58pm -- deciding on what I want for dinner, hot turkey/provolone on ciabatta sounds good
5:25pm -- Sarah leaves for Bible study, ask the girls at the next table over if I can join them studying for the anatomy&physiology test tonight
6:13pm -- realize that I might actually know more than I thought I did, breathe a sigh of semi-relief
6:59pm -- walk into the lecture hall, start frantically filling out the scantron bubble
7:27pm -- done with the test, second in a class of 250+
7:31pm -- run over to Rudder Theater, slide into my seat right as the show starts
8:30pm -- Royal Winnepeg Ballet's "Cinderella Story" halfway done, so glad I bought the ticket back in July!
10:02pm -- show's over, my three friends from dance company my freshman year and I decide to grab dessert
10:17pm -- Emily's house, incredible ice cream sandwich/peanut butter frozen dessert
11:28pm -- the four of us having too much fun, finally decide to head home
11:47pm -- Brittany drops me off at the dorm, head up to check FB
12:11am -- thinking about grabbing my journal and a cup of tea, life doesn't stop at midnight...


Yeah, that's been my day... and pretty typical. I've been in my room for less than 30 minutes since I woke up this morning; my roommate's probably wondering if I actually live here! :-) But I like busy... it keeps my mind from retracing stuff and wondering if things would have turned out differently if only...

Been spending a lot of time by myself recently; well, when you're the first one to have any tests friend aren't very inclined to come study with you. :-) I think I'm becoming more of an introvert. I recharge with a cup of coffee in hand, earbuds cranked up to random iTunes songs, and a comfy chair--by myself. Maybe that's because I feel like I am constantly giving out and like everyone needs something from me. It's few and far between where I have friends that give as much as they take. And then I wonder: am I giving back to the same people that I take from? I have a few girls I "dump" on and then quite a large group of people that I give back to. But what about those close girlfriends? They deserve me investing in them and listening to them... If she's a coffee-lover then I'm all for pulling up a second chair... or should I learn to drink tea? Does that mean  coming into her world and working out next to her, helping her make flashcards, doing Bible study with her, or sitting next to her and watching a sappy chick flick...

Maybe I should learn to drink tea...