listen to your heart...

I hear this phrase so often that I really don't think I know what it means anymore...

does it mean that I should do whatever I want?

does it mean I should chase after whatever makes me happy?

does it mean that my own heart is more important than anyone else's?

does it mean that I should listen to my heart over my head?

does it mean that as long as I am listening to my heart the rest of the world will be OK?

does it mean that everything my heart says is real... or true?

does it mean that when my heart is broken the rest of life is worth destroying too?

does it mean that when my heart is about to explode because it's so happy I should ignore all caution and "go for it?"

DOES IT MEAN THAT I SHOULD FOLLOW THE CREATION'S HEART... OR THE CREATOR'S HEART?

safe love...

I've recently come to love this song and thought I'd blog it here. It's called "Safe" from Britt Nicole's semi-new album "The Lost Get Found."

You keep trying to get inside my head
While I keep trying to lose the words you said
Can't you see I'm hanging by a thread
To my life, what I know
Yeah, I'm losing control and

Oh, no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe
You're not safe

I'm strong enough
I've always told myself
I never wanna need somebody else
But I've already fallen from that hill
So I'm dropping my guard,
Here's your chance at my heart

Oh, no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe

Everything you want, but it's everything you need
It's not always happy endings
But it's all the in-between
It's taken so long, so long to finally see
That your love is worth the risk

Oh, no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe

You're not safe
And that's ok

God’s been teaching me a lot about love recently—“people love” and “God love.” See, I’m realizing how stubborn and self-sufficient I am. And even when I’m not, I still make it very clear to people that I still want to be treated as such. It takes a lot for me to admit that I’m worn out, to accept someone walking me back to my dorm late at night, or to let people see the way I really feel.

And then God knocks me off my feet. Showers me with His love and when I look for the strings experience has taught me must be attached, I find none. And that unnerves me. Makes me unsure of what to do. Makes me realize that He has once again seen past my defenses.

When things aren’t safe I turn and run. I think it’s easier that way. I don’t have to face it. I don’t have to let anyone past the walls. The defenses are up.

I like walls. I like distance. Letting anyone in is risky. Uncertain. Unclear. And then I hear His voice in the back of my mind asking for me to let Him in. He wants to bring light. Bring life. Banish loneliness and bring laughter. He could tear down the walls but He would prefer that I hand over the key and let Him in of my own accord. Let Him have His chance at my heart. Allow Him to woo me and make me fall in love with Him.

If I let Him in will that rock my world? Yes.

Love’s not safe, but it’s worth the risk.