Psalm 31

This psalm has become one of my favorites over the last few months. Below are selected phrases from the NIV

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul...But I trust in You, O LORD;  I say, "You are my God... "My times are in Your hands... How great is Your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear You... In the shelter of your presence You hide them. Praise be to the LORD, for He showed His wonderful love to me... In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from Your sight!" Yet You heard my cry for mercy when I called to You for help... The LORD preserves the faithful... Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." Psalm 31

Relationships Part 2 - "Ezer"

I just finished "Captivating" the day before I left for Africa. It's taken me since last November to get through... partly because the guided journal chapters are so long, I never seemed to have enough God/coffee-mornings-when-I-wasn't-sleeping-in, and I'm plain lazy. :-)

One point the authors kept coming back to again and again was the importance of women. The God-created dire need in a man's life for a woman...  Let me quote some from "Captivating;"

...She has a vital role to play; she is a partner in this great adventure. All that human beings were intended to do here on earth--all the creativity and exploration, all the battle and rescue and nurture--we were intended to do together. In fact, not only is Eve needed, but she is desperately needed.

When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. "It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]" (Gen 2:18, Alter). Hebrew Scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is "notoriously difficult to translate." The various attempts we have in English are "helper" or "companion" or the notorious "help meet." Why are these translations so incredibly wimpy, boring, flat... disappointing? What is a help meet anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing "One day I shall be a help meet?" Companion? A dog can be a companion. Helper? Sounds like Hamburger Helper. Alter is getting close when he translates it "sustainer beside him."

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. [for a complete list click here]And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. 

"There is no one like the God of Jerusalem, who rides on the heavens to help you..."

"May the LORD answer you when you are in distress, may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help." (Ps 20:1-2) 

Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you... you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver." Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. 

You see, the life God calls us to is not a safe life... God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer? You don't need a lifesaver if your missions is to be a couch potato. You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger...

That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure--that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. he does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him--desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place. (From Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John and Stacy Eldredge, pages 31-33)

See, I react when people say that as women, all we are to do is to "help our husbands." But they don't have any specifics--any particular ways their husbands need help. They often view themselves as extensions of their husbands, seeing the world through his eyes and helping him live out his dreams. And I think those women are missing out on what we are called to do.

We were NOT created to be just accessories. We are needed. Those who are married are desperatley needed by their husbands; those of us who are single may discover a man's need once they have begun a relationship. If a husband could do everything he's supposed to without any help or anyone alongside him, then God would not have created an ezer kenegdo for him. There would be no need for a wife, she would be just an extra.

I can't count the number of times that older women have told me that I'm supposed to prepare to be his "help meet." But what on earth does that look like? If my man desperately needs me then I must be able to stand beside him and lift up his hands (Exodus 17:12), help complete his work (Nehemiah 3:12), and remind him of God's dreams for our little family.

My dad's been amazing to teach me a lot of stuff that I didn't think I'll ever really need to know...  but he's training me to be able to come alongside and be an ezer kenegdo. More than changing a tire, balancing a checkbook,  or hanging wallpaper, he's taught (and is still teaching) me how to help people with their personal growth, be a leader that people want to follow, develop a business plan, pursue wise money management and investing principles, stay under the authority of a person I don't agree with or sometimes even respect, recognize my own personality strengths and spiritual gifts and build a team around me to accomplish a common goal, and  do what I know is right--even when no one else understands, let alone agrees.

We are to be more than companions--companionship can be bought. We are to be more than buddies--that's seen often enough when the guys get together for Monday night football or a cookout. We are to be more than a soft, feminine addition to his life--beauty fades so fast. We are to be more than confidants--the is best seen in a close "band of brothers" we pray he already has. We are to be more than helpers--he can hire an accountant, a baby sitter, a cook, a maid, a chauffeur... we are more than an extra set of hands... we are to be his "sustainer beside him."

What are you doing right now to become a sustainer? Who are you sustaining right now? It won't magically start once you've said "I do." Are you sustaining friends in prayer? Are you sustaining your mother with her full workload at home or your father at work? What can you do to lift up the hands of someone in need, be there in the nick of time, and--in a sense--allow them to realize, "What on earth did I do without her before?" THAT woman is an ezer kenegdo.

Relationships Part 1

God's been teaching me a lot about relationships recently, and it seems like He has more up His sleeve to teach me. I'm learning what godly relationships look like and what they should look like (which are often two different things), how a single girl's supposed to live when she's getting the "Wait" from God, and doing some internal reflection and realignment with the Bible.

I'm reading several good books right now and some of what I'll blog about will come from there. I've found some of these books from Amazon.com suggestions, borrowing from friends, friends' mother's recommendations, and conversations with girls in the same stage in life.

So, anyway, that's an intro to these next couple blog posts. Remember, this is what God is teaching me and what I am seeking to do with my relationships, not hard and fast rules for myself or anyone else! I am always open for questions, challenges, and thoughtful advice... :-)

reposted from either satellitetrue or I want to be lost among your thoughts, I can't remember which

refocusing....

I really never thought this would happen so quickly! I wasn't planning on being here for a few more years at least! And it's something where I will be years behind them... and it's frankly no fun sitting back and watching...


See... I have now officially entered the stage where my friends are all getting married. Let's just say 4 of my single friends bit the dust this weekend (what is it with May weddings?). Granted, I wasn't best friends with any of them, but they were all girls I'd known or had served with for the last couple years.


It seems like I'm always getting the comment, "I bet you're gonna miss your boyfriend while you're in Africa!" And I get to tell them, "well, actually I'm not dating anyone." Not now, never have. And I'm fine saying that, I really am. But I hate the reaction that I get. It's kind of this pity that sneaks into their voice as they reply with, "Well, keep holding out for a good guy, you'll find someone. Don't worry." Or even worse, "Singleness is a gift, and I'm glad you're embracing it" like they think they know all about me...


True. Singleness is a gift. Just like marriage is. Neither is better than the other. The apostle Paul seemed to put singleness above marriage, actually. But 1 Cor 7 is really about being able to serve God in either stage. Sometimes there are places and roles that we can fill better as a single person.


Amy Carmichael and Gladys Alward could not have run their orphanages if they were married. Would Amy have been able to provide a safe home for the temple girls if she was married and the girls were scared of men?


(And since this post is not a treatise on single missionaries, I'm gonna move on... I'm sure we could all list a ton of amazing missionaries who could serve God better because they were single.)


On another hand, would the US military be able to send men and women into combat zones if they were married? There are some missions, my brother tells me, where the servicemen are not allowed to be married. In a situation like "Blackhawk Down" would those men have been able to go back into the firefights if they were more concerned about their wives and children back home than their buddy losing blood from shrapnel in his femoral artery?


See it's all about focus.


"What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short... For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern... An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." - from 1 Corinthians 7:29-35


What am I focused on? Am I sitting here wishing I was walking down the aisle? (check) Am I sighing with discontent as I see pictures of my friends' pregnant bellies? (check)  Am I wishing away my singleness which includes an insane--and perhaps unsafe--amount of freedom to do anything, to go anywhere, and be anything I want to be? (hmmm...)


Right now I can serve God better single better than if I was married... so here I am.


This summer should be an incredible time of being 6,000 miles away from cell phone service, instant communication via text, and a whole bunch of distractions. I want to be whole-heartedly in Togo. Serving the doctors and nurses who are serving the people of Togo. Hearing from God what He would have me do after graduate school. 


And undergoing some desperately-needed refocusing.


(you can follow my summer at katiefarr-africa.blogspot.com)