Bluebonnets and friends and cameras...

The bluebonnets were out in full force two weeks ago and a couple of friends and I decided to go take pictures in them before they all died! We drove around for about 30 minutes before we finally found some on the side of a highway. :)

So yeah, these are some of the people that I spend the most time with here at college!

(L to R: Jonathan, Abigail, me, Meghan, Heather, Jake)

(ah, the regulatory gig 'em!)

Valentine's *1 week late*...

{{{So yeah, last week was insane with 3 major tests, bi-weekly meetings 

(that happened to all fall on last week), and mediating between roommates 

on my floor... so this post is 7-days in coming.}}}

The last two years (2009, 2010) I've been at the Renewal conference with the Navigators over Valentine's weekend. This year the retreat was moved to February 25-27th, so I was in town for Valentine's... and I was not looking forward to it.

I'm taking country western dance lessons with a friend of mine on Sunday nights, and last week I was late to our first lesson because I'd been home for the weekend for a friend's funeral. My mind wasn't focused on learning the polka because I was prioritizing the massive amount of studying I had to do and calculating how late I was going to have to stay in "the annex"--the only building on main campus that is pretty much open 24/7 and is a popular hang out for stressed students pulling all-nighters.

My friend then warned me as we were headed back to my room, "Meghan's (my Bible study co-leader) got a little surprise planned for you. I promise it won't take more than about 10 minutes. But be sweet... she's just trying to show she cares about you, your friend's funeral, and the fact that you're stressed."  OK, fine. I'll humor her. 10 minutes. That's it. Then off to the annex to cram for Therapeutic Principles.

I walked into my room and a few minutes later I answered a knock on the door to find not just Meghan, but 3 of my other best girl friends--Sarah, Becca, and Abigail. They brought me Godiva dark chocolate and lots of hugs. :)

Then, my door opened again and our 3 guy friends walked in with roses, chocolate (they brought me ground coffee instead!), and cards for each of us! Sarah's fiancé had been in town for the weekend and he, along with another friend who was holed up in the architecture studio, had been in on the planning of the whole shindig. Meghan knew what the guys were planning and had orchestrated an excuse to have all of us girls in the same room.

The cards the guys had for each of us were perfectly picked. This was the cover of mine...

on the inside it reads "... sure hasn't been to Forks, Washington."

The most epic part about it is what plays when you open the card:

Edward-"I will love you, every moment of forever." 

Jacob-"I will fight for you, until your heart stops beating."

Let's just say that I almost died laughing... beside the fact that every single person who was in the room (girls included) makes fun of my liking Twilight, I loved it! :) I still can't believe that the the guys scoured the Valentine's card section to find the perfect cards for each of us 4 girls, took time to write something in each card, and arranged the whole thing. I've got amazing girl friends who came to cheer me up, and I've got incredible guy friends who went out of their way to make us all feel special.

Ok, it took longer than 10 minutes... but it sure made staying up until 3:15am a whole lot more bearable!

self-worth...

In my sport psychology book we've been studying self-concept as it relates to high risk sports and sensation-seeking athletes. I came across this quote in the middle of the chapter on self theory and found it thought provoking.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong,

And you really do have worth."

-Anonymous

Wow... that is sad. It's pretty defeatist. It's kind of like, I can't rely on anyone else to be there or think of me, so I must take care of myself first.

I choose to believe something else. That I may get hurt along the way and that people will let me me down without meaning to. But that God shows love, brings security, speaks promises, gives grace in defeat, is in control of tomorrow's plans, sends sunshine, brings me flowers, and I have worth because of who made me!

Loved...

Ah, yes... the regulatory Valentine's day post. I was really depressed about it this year and was basically like, who cares, it's not like it's a holiday that really means anything. It's a Hallmark holiday, a day to recieve flowers and chocolate and be disappointed when Mr. Right is either absent or just doesn't make me feel as special as I was hoping. I think I will just boycott the holiday!

And in a way, I did just that. I spent the weekend at a retreat in Dallas with over 250 other college students from all over the South Central US. The conference was part of the Navigators, and I am in one of their small-group Bible studies here at A&M. It was a great weekend, a great roadtrip there and back, lots of laughter and late nights, amazing prayer, and very little sleep. :-) It's a little weird doing stuff with the Navs group from A&M, because the only thing I am able to do is the small group study; I am busy with dance company pretty much any time Navs plans anything! So it was good to mingle with a few of my fellow Aggies.

OK, that was a random side note and had nothing to really do with solving my boycott of such a world-wide holiday. :-)

Valentine's day has always been pretty low-key at my house. We would usually have a special dinner at home, perhaps write a sweet note to a sibling, and generally have a normal day. I've never been one to get the whole conversation hearts thing (I mean, have you actually read a whole package of them? Sheesh... when I was little they said cute sayings!), and I missed out on the idea of buying premade valentines, filling in the "to" and "from" lines, and stuffing them in your friends' lockers and hoping that you can sneak one to your secret crush. I'm used to February 14th being a normal day. And I knew that hanging around College Station on Valentine's day would only be awkward at best. :-)

So, what are girls like me supposed to do? There is no Mr. Right in the picture (and I'm not looking either!), my roommate's out of town and my girlfriends from dance company have their own plans with their boyfriends/sororities. And to top it all off I just had the DTR talk (Define The Relationship) with one of my guy friends here--I just defined that there is nothing going on between us and there is no hope for anything in the future... yet. What am I supposed to do when Happy Hearts day rolls around? It's a little hard to ignore it, but what else do I do?

You know how people say, "Enjoy your single years, you'll have a special guy in time. Wait for it."Gee thanks... or then the ever-present, "Make Jesus the love of your life for now. Let Him woo you. Fall in love with Him." That sounds so cliché, and I just kind of brushed it off. And then I remembered a verse that an older lady told me several years ago. She had a group of us older girls from homeschool group over to her house for a Valentine's party and she shared this verse with us:
Romans 5:5 "Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us." (Amplified)

Wow... God's love never disappoints us, betrays our hopes, or makes us feel guilty for wanting to be loved and treasured. He didn't sprinkle His love into our lives, He poured it out into our hearts. And He did it by the Holy Spirit who is a deposit guarraneteeing His return! Or the Message says it this way:
"We're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! "

This is no case of a small box of Walmart chocolates and a semi-wilted boquet of red airbrushed roses from the grocery store, this is more Godiva and Dove chocolate than I could eat in my lifetime, a personal rose garden with a different breed for every day of the year! And even more than that! I can't round up enough vases, or enough friends to help me eat the chocolate! It keeps getting poured out...and the best part is that it doesn't stop at 12:01am on the 15th--it's not a once-a-year holiday!

So yeah, it's nice to get flowers and a card and spend some time with a special guy, but I think that I may just boycott the holiday in my own way, head to a coffee shop and have a date with the Lord. Seems that I've been longing for something, and I think I just found out the ultimate source of that love! In some ways it doesn't make my desire for human love any easier to ignore, but I've got a lot of containers to "round up" if I am going to try to fathom the depths of His love!

Ah, it's good to be loved...