Monday, March 23, 2009

princesses and hearts...

Last week was Spring Break... ah, blessedness! :-) So amazing to be at home, even though "home" is on a ministry campus. I decided that I wanted to throw a party for the young girls on campus, and amazingly I planned, shopped, prepared, and pulled it all off in less than 3 days, all by myself. :-) It was so fun to hear little girl giggles, laugh over little girl stories, and listen to little girl talk. I guess I missed that by not having a little sister. Here are some of the pictures I took...
On another note... this Spring Break I really started to feel God pulling on my heart in the area of international missions. Particularly working with physical therapists in sub-Saharan Africa. For the last few weeks we have been studying that region in my global geography class, and I am coming to love those people that I have never even seen. Africa is the one continent (besides Anarctica!) that I have never been to, and I feel a compeling pull to serve there. My ultimate dream would be to work with MercyShips next summer and serve on the Africa Mercy. Seeing dozens of needy patients, hundreds of international staff, thousands of African people... being on the forefront of life-changing surgeries while sharing with them about The Ultimate Lifechanger! Living on a 499' boat with other staff who have committed to serve with MercyShips for years! Doctors who conduct the surgeries, culinary artists who feed the entire ship, mechanics who keep everything running, teachers who run the missionary kid K-12 school, ICU nurses, housekeeping staff who keep things "shipshape." I would be on board for 2 months, probably shadowing a physical therapist and filling in wherever needed elsewhere.
This is more than helping a highschool football player recover from a knee injury so that he can help him team win the district championship. This is beyond helping a person get used to a prostetic limb after a car wreck that forced his leg to be amputated. This is more out there than helping seniors recover from strokes and maintain their range of motion as they age. Yes! Those things are important, but who cares about being a specialist in an area of physical therapy that makes a lot of money when there are people who are dying! When I can come after a surgery and show someone a few excerises they can do back home so they can get back to work and support their family. This is about giving someone their livelihood back. This is about helping people with a birth defect not be an outcast anymore in their village. This is about providing hope! This is about making a difference in someone's life--someone who will remember not my name or my face, but who will remember the love of Christ shown to them through a team of people devoted to serving God in medical missions.
Yeah, so I have the possibility of getting some fluke disease. And I am terrified of getting my vaccines before I go... strangely enough, I hate nurses' offices and getting shots! But there are 800 million people in Sub-Saharan Africa who encounter these diseases daily. It is so hard to sit in my comfortable dorm room here in College Station with three Bibles and a perfectly healthy body when my heart is yearning to be 7,000 miles away!
And so, I wait and pray. Who knows where I will actually spend the summer of 2010. Only God! But I am so excited that I can't wait!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

When the pieces fall apart...

...you take a step back from life. This week I have cried more than I cried in the last several months combined, I've spent more time scouring my Bible for truth than I have in a long time, and have fallen apart in more friends' rooms than I can count. It feels a little like my world is falling apart, but I can't put my finger on exactly what is the final blow that broke all the pieces apart. You know how people say that a picture is worth a thousand words? I think that a song is worth ten thousand; my iTunes library says more about me than most people would find out in a month of Sundays, and this song by Tenth Avenue North is quickly climbing to the top of my "25 Most Played" playlist. It's called "By Your Side."

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

(Chorus)
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and My side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)
(here's a link to listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs)


...you try to hold it all together. And when that doesn't work and I walk into the dorm and several people ask me if I am OK, I know that it must be written on my face. Thankfully, I can't hide stuff that well and I have friends here who will write me a message on Facebook, send me a text, or give me a call to let me know they are praying for me. I know that I don't have to say anything, and they are bringing me before The Throne in their prayers. And that means so much. I am so incredibly thankful that I have friends like that here at college!

...you remember that you are never alone. Just because my relationship with the Lord is lacking the fire that I so long for, and I have a lot of priorities out of line, I know that He has not left me alone. He is still there longing for my heart.

...you ask why. And I hear an answer from the Master Potter, "My daughter, it's when you are broken that I can put you back together. And when I put you back together My light will shine out of you and into the lives of those around you. Let Me put you back together. That is why I broke you... because I love you."

...you long for an escape. I love college life; really I do. But I miss sitting on my dock watching the sun set over the lake. A kitten nudging me and a glass of iced coffee beside me. Kind of like I am so lost and confused that I need a return to the last known point. Like it's been so long since I've heard from the Lord that I need to run back to the last place I found Him and wait until He returns. But I know that He is here too... I just haven't found Him here yet!

...and strangely enough, you learn to embrace the brokeness. I know that my frustration with memorizing the choreography for dance company, my stress about keeping grades up, my homesickness for the first time in my life, my anxiousness about confusing relationships, and my aching heart for those I love are not meant to ruin my life, but turn my heart back to the One who is breaking me. And I learn to stop fighting the brokeness and rest in teh fact that He who begins the process will not stop until He is finished. And there will be a day I look in the mirror and won't be able to recognize the girl He has created... Oh how I long for the day!

Well, dear reader, this is not the normal random happy monologe on life my blog seems to have become, but in the dance of life it's not all roses. There are a few times in the spotlight, but there is a lot of behind the scenes rehearsing and standing in the wings as an understudy ready to go on stage if needed. And right now, that is where I am. So, if you actually read all of this, "Brava" to you!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Procrastinating and blogging again!

All right, I'll admit that I am a pro-procrastinator! I have a statistics test tomorrow at 11:10am, but I decided to clean out my email inbox instead of study... (I promise to study later!) and I ran across this email from my mom that she sent me over a year ago! I hope it makes you think as much as it made me...


There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States

Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery.

Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going on to seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class.

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. 'How many push-ups can you do?'

Steve said, 'I do about 200 every night.' '200?

That's pretty good, Steve, ' Dr. Christianson said. 'Do you think you could do 300?'

Steve replied, 'I don't know.... I've never done 300 at a time.'

'Do you think you could?' again asked Dr. Christianson.

'Well, I can try,' said Steve.

'Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,' said the professor.

Steve said, 'Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it.' Dr. Christianson said, 'Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind.'

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day,
and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, 'Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?'

Cynthia said, 'Yes.'

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, 'Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?'

'Sure!' Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, 'Joe, do you want a donut?'

Joe said, 'Yes.'

Dr. Christianson asked, 'Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?'

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship.

When the professor asked, 'Scott do you want a donut?'

Scott's reply was, 'Well, can I do my own push-ups?'

Dr. Christianson said, 'No, Steve has to do them.'

Then Scott said, 'Well, I don't want one then.'

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, 'Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?'

With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

Scott said, 'HEY! I said I didn't want one!'

Dr. Christianson said, 'Look!, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it.' And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, 'Jenny, do you want a donut?'

Sternly, Jenny said, 'No.'

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, 'Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?'

Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say, 'No!' and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve
closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr. Christianson, 'Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?'

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, 'Well, they're your pushups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want.' And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, 'NO! Don't come in! Stay out!' Jason didn't know what was going on.

Steve picked up his head and said, 'No, let him come.'

Professor Christianson said, 'You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?'

Steve said, 'Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut.'

Dr. Christianson said, 'Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?'

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. 'Yes,' he said, 'give me a donut.' 'Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?'

Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry
eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular.

Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, 'Linda, do you want a donut?'

Linda said, very sadly, 'No, thank you.'

Professor Christianson quietly asked, 'Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?'

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. 'Susan, do you want a donut?'

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. 'Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?'

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, 'No, Steve has to do it alone; I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect
grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes.'

'Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?'

As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, 'And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'Into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the
desk, uneaten.'

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

'Well done, good and faithful servant,' said the professor, adding, 'Not all sermons are preached in words.'

Turning to his class, the professor said, 'My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid.'

'Wouldn't we be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?'